Illamasqua Phallic

by franklyscarletnails

In a marvellous display of aiming high, my New Year’s resolution is to limit myself to buying only ten polishes in 2012*.

Let it be known that I don’t ever make annual resolutions because my frame of mind is never very lucid during the celebratory week of Christmas and New Years as the hearty eating and merry drinking can only lead to immediate convictions pertaining to, but not limited to, “I will lose 10kg this year!” and “I’m never drinking again!”, the latter of which I find myself constantly repeating throughout the year during those Hard Times of the Hangover. No, I’m not one to make year-long commitments that I know I will break. Nevertheless, here I am with a resolution that has already been met with a derisive “Ha!” from my dear boyfriend. But I have a feeling I can follow this one through because

  1. I will have more determination if it’s recorded in writing so any excess bottles will fill me with shame
  2. I have been running out of space for my ridiculous amount of polish and there’s no way I can fit a Helmer or a Vika Alex in my room, and
  3. The ridiculous amount of polish is so ridiculous that I am not doing a very good job at turnovers as the varnish I want to show you today was purchased this exact same time a year ago and I have never given it a chance to stretch its legs until now

My resolve has been tested already because I am lemming Finger Paints Special Effects bad, but seeing as this brand is non-existent in Australia and is only available in-store at Sallys in America, I have no choice but to deal with the scalpers rampaging the shores of Ebay (really? Five flakies for $70 USD when they retail for $5.50 USD each? Curses to you and your Paypal account!) so it’s very unlikely I will ever get my mittens on them, let alone see/touch/feel them in all their flakie glory IRL. I should also admit that I bought a few China Glazes on the 31st of December but that is still technically part of last year, so we can keep that between you and me!

Without further ado, I present Illamasqua Phallic. For reference, I have two coats of Phallic and one coat each of Orly Bonder Base Coat and Dare to Wear Top Coat. My accent nail has one coat of OPI’s Spark de Triomphe.

Oh, how I hemmed and hawed over this one when I considered buying. Illamasqua nail varnishes retail for $34 AUD at Myer and I eventually got it as a treat after a fortnight of non-stop working. This cult British brand hit Australia late in 2010, and I definitely got this partly for the name – what’s not to love about polishes named after male genitalia? Does anyone remember Essie’s Meet Balls? Hyuk hyuk hyuk. Yet somehow I don’t think the same giggle-worthiness can be said for bottles named after female special parts.

But I digress; lets talk about Phallic.

It reminds me of rare tanzanite jewellery, in particular “the heart of the ocean” from that movie where “the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end” (Titanic, of course! And Britney’s succinct analysis). It even reminds me of Chun-Li, “the strongest woman in the world!”, her electrifying Kikokens and other lightning-fast combos that I can only dream of conjuring as my technique to SF4 is to mash buttons. Phallic is part of Illamasqua’s permanent line and it is a deep midnight blue with a bright blue shimmer that really only comes out in direct sunlight; otherwise, it takes on an inky blackened navy with just the subtlest hint of shimmer indoors and under shade. It’s the colour we all wanted to dye our hair with at some stage. There are purple shimmers in the bottle that do not translate on the nail, oddly enough. I found the formula to be slightly gloopy, but not too difficult to work with. Phallic is generally opaque in one coat but I used two to cover up a few bald patches that were likely due to a rushed application. I don’t have that much to say about this polish – it is glossy, pretty, and unique in my collection as I don’t wear a lot of blues and I do enjoy the lit-from-within look, but I just don’t love it as much as I thought I would. The way the polish looks on the nail when indoors belies the shimmer explosion in the bottle which is disappointing for shimmer fangirls like me, and the only drawback of Phallic. I would suggest rocking this in summer as that will be the only way to get as much bang out of Phallic as possible (that’s what she said) because the glittering star-bright shimmers are truly spectacular and they create a gorgeous depth to the polish that is akin to a boundless night-sky once they are allowed to shine in the sun.

Meanwhile, Chun-Li is all like CAPCOM, Y U NO LET ME WEAR POLISH. xd


*Gifts in the form of lacquer love will be happily accepted and are exempt from the bottle count ;)